Leonard Cohen -The Future

North Korean Communist Dictator Kim Jong Un Relinquishes Nuclear Warheads in US Nuclear Warhead Buyback Program

The incomparable and Infallible Democrat Geniuses in Washington recently devised a solution to  disarm the provocative Communist leader of North Korea, Kim Jon UN of his weapons of mass destruction as he has been threatening The United State's West Coast and the world with certain annihilation for some time  By  opening up his trench coat to reveal his impressive  nuclear warhead and daring the world to touch it

Surprisingly, the recently devised Nuclear Warhead buyback program has proved successful in disarming UN. The allure of a $1,00,000.00 USD bounty for any dictator that relinquishes their Weapons of mass destruction was just too much for the cash-strapped Dictator to resist.
Upon reading about the program advertised in The Washington Post, UN immediately contacted the Pentagon to schedule a meet-up  in the parking lot of of the White Castle Restaurant at 8 Mile Road and Gratiot Avenue in Detroit, MI.

Washington quickly moved into action by sending one of their finest federal ambassadors/private agents adorned in a Nike Jogging suit, Ray Ban Aviator sunglasses, white Reebok Classic tennis shoes and a black dufflebag filled with $1,00,000.00 in small bills as UN had specifically requested.
Witnesses of the clandestine transaction report that UN was seen carelessly gallivanting out of the White Castle after satisfying his seemingly insatiable hunger with 7 slider burgers, some curly fries and a  large Sprite. A brief conversation was reported to have transpired  between the  Federal agent and UN  until UN led the agent over to his 2005 KIA Sephia where he then popped the trunk and handed a stainless steel briefcase containing the nuclear weapon over to the agent in exchange for the black dufflebag full of cold hard US cash.
Upon hearing the news of the successful transaction, California Governor Gavin Newsome immediately appeared on MSNBC to declare that "World Peace has been achieved."

Is The Home Depot Kidnapping Story Fake News?

Recently one of my family members on Facebook shared a picture of a letter from the Oregon unemployment office denying the request for unemployment compensation for a former Home Depot employee by the name of Dillon Reagan. The stated reason for the denial of the request for unemployment compensation was due to Reagan being fired, and therefore ineligible for compensation. The rejection letter explicitly stated that he was fired for trying to thwart a kidnapping, which to any decent person would seem like a ridiculous and callous reason to fire anyone. This made my fake news senses tingle so I investigated further.

Leftists have been calling for a boycott of Home Depot for Pro-Trump remarks made by the founders of the company. Both founders Ken Langone and Bernard Marcus have been very vocal about their support for Trump and his economic policies, as well as his border wall ambitions. In looking at Dillon Reagan’s public Facebook profile it becomes evident that he’s a typical Portland leftist. Numerous memes and videos showing his support for illegal laborers, communism and hatred for Trump can be found immediately on his page, but it gets even weirder…

The timeline of his firing is very suspect and the “kidnapping” event turned out to be nothing but a domestic disturbance with no charges being filed against anyone. The alleged kidnapping event occurred on May 12^th and his Facebook posts show that he was fired on June 9^th, nearly one month after the incident. Even more odd is that the unemployment compensation denial form from the Oregon unemployment office shows that he was fired on June 19^th, which may just be a typo but is still notable and suspect within itself coupled with the wording on the form stating that he “assisted the police in preventing a kidnapping”.

This whole story stinks of fake news and politically motivated slander against Home Depot and leaves me with a few questions:

11)      Why would there be a gap between his alleged misconduct and his firing?

22)      Why would his reason for termination be so detailed about him “assisting the police in preventing a kidnapping” when the final police report wasn’t for a kidnapping but rather for a disturbance?

33)      Does the Oregon unemployment department go off of what former employees state their reason for firing is on their termination papers?

44)      Who was the manager that fired him and what are his/her political leaning and personal relationship with Reagan?

55)      Who was the couple that created the disturbance and is there any connection between them and Reagan?

Hopefully answers to these questions will be revealed as this story picks up momentum in the mainstream media. As for myself, I think this is a coordinated attempt to financially hurt Home Depot for being a company under Trump supporting, conservative leadership. 

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques Return To Gitmo

    With the terror threats rising in the world, the Trump administration has decided to return to Bush era methods of gathering valuable intelligence from prisoners at Guantanamo Bay Prison that have ties to terrorism. While the practice of waterboarding has been collectively shunned by the liberal community and international governmental bodies, Trump has devised a way around the public concern for humane treatment of war prisoners. 

Instead of using waterboarding, the new accepted method of torture has been designated as severe tickling. The practice itself is quite effective and everyone gets a laugh out of it. Terror suspects are strapped to a chair and tickled with various objects until the valuable intel possibly leading to the defeat of targeted terror cells is gathered. The vibe at Gitmo is one of change and optimism with the coming of the new method.

In a video recorded session of severe tickling posted on Youtube, terror suspect, Yuukin slobmuhknobbi, can be seen succumbing to the torture. He is seen strapped to a table being tickled on his neck with a feather duster screaming for mercy.

"Hahaha! No! No no no! Seriously! Hahahaha! Ow! Ha ha! Oh my God! Ha ha ha ha! Ok, I'll take you to the leader of ISIS! Hahaha! Just stop! Arrggghhh! Ha ha ha ha! Mommy!!!

Yuukin slobmuhknobbi during severe tickling

Many on the left still have reservations about the ethics of the practice and some have even created opposition groups citing that they remember being tickled endlessly by their siblings and how unpleasant the experience became after a few seconds.

President Trump has denied any media requests for a response to those opposed with severe tickling opting to instead release a tweet stating: "Dorks, meet me at the flag pole after school."

Now Playing! Weekend at Hillary's 2!

Now playing at a campaign stop near you! It's Weekend at Hillary's 2! Join Hillary in her mad cap antics as she goes from city to city fleeing a voodoo spell from New Orleans! She got loose from her handlers and now no one knows where she'll be next! The only cure for the voodoo spell is her $5,000 epi-pen. Will she get it in time?!? This is the feel-good show of the season so tell your friends! Weekend at Hillary's 2! Now Playing!

Meet Robbie The 'Robo-Dog'

35 year-old Sheryl Daniels of Fortuna California is the proud human mother of Robbie 'The Robo-Dog'. Sheryl found Robbie one day being abused by a terrible child. Sheryl says the dog was inhumanely being used in a sadistic game of fetch outside of the child's home.

"He was just throwing a stick and Robbie would mindlessly go fetch it for the child's own amusement. The cruelty was unspeakable! I saved Robbie from his terrible captor and now he lives with me in a nice, safe, eco-friendly tiny home that's 100 sq ft. because I'm not a terrible human like everyone else using up all the world's resources."

Seeing that Robbie was exhausted from the cruel game of fetch, she knew she had to do something else to alleviate her new fur-baby's pain and suffering.

"I was on Instagram and saw that someone had saved a turtle by gluing some Lego wheels on it so it could become mobile once again and a number of other stories about animals being saved with prosthetics. Not to be outdone, I came up with the genius idea of replacing Robbie's body with a robotic one that I fashioned from coffee cans and bongs. Now Robbie is the cutest, happiest little bionic dog in the world and no one can question my superior morality and compassion. Oh my God, did I mention how much I hate humans?", Sheryl said.

Robbie doesn't seem to mind his new body much. He's very active throughout the day and can be easily recharged with Sheryl's iPad charger. PETA and other animal groups are celebrating Sheryl's heroic deed by giving her an honorary place in their Animal Savior Hall of Fame in San Francisco.