"If Donald Trump Becomes President, I'm Moving Back To Canada!" - Ted Cruz

Presidential hopeful, Ted Cruz, has been pretty riled up lately. Donald Trump has been spanking him in every single state and Cruz has just not been able to catch up with the golden, feathery haired candidate.

Reporters with Illegal Satire caught up with Ted Cruz at a Tim Horton's in Detroit, just across from Windsor Ontario. When asked about Donald Trump's seemingly insurmountable lead in the polls. Ted Cruz simply said that, "If Donald Trump becomes president, I'm moving back to Canada. The American people are pretty stupid when it comes to picking leaders, eh? I'm not aboot to live in a nation that can't see who the real American is. I can see a conman politician coming from a kilometer away. I talked to my friends Alex Trebek and William Shatner and they agree with me. If Trump is chosen, we will all be moving to Montreal and joining the cast of 'Kids In The Hall' for side work."

After the interview, Cruz immediately left the Tim Horton's on his moose and continued on his campaign trail.

Pope Francis Calls Out Pink Floyd For Making 'The Wall'. Says They Aren't Christians!

Pope Francis recently made comments about Donald Trump wanting to build a massive wall between the United States and Mexico. The Pope went on to say that anyone that builds a wall and not a bridge is "Not Christian". The Pope's comments were ironically made from behind the Vatican's 40 foot-tall wall in Rome while surrounded by Swiss Guards in stylish pantaloons of wildly assorted colors. 

After the Pope's hypocrisy was called out by many entertainers, the Pope went on the defensive and continued his anti wall rant by going after the legendary British rock group, Pink Floyd, for making the classic album, 'The Wall'. The Pope called the album the worst rock album of all time and said that Judas Priest would kick their asses in a guitar solo and that Pink Floyd weren't real Christians. 

Pink Floyd responded on twitter by simply telling the Pope to, "Hey Franky...leave those kids alone."  

The Pope could not be reached for further comment.